I find myself looking out over the lake tonight at Casa de Slade. The water is still, and the lily pads are naked, empty of the pretty white lilies that were spread out over their green leaves this morning. The cicadas are singing their evening song as the setting sun peeks through the pine trees in front of me and shines a spotlight on my little corner of heaven. It’s peaceful here, and I am so grateful to my friend April for allowing me this time to myself while her family is away again on vacation.

But my brain has been on overdrive during my entire stay.

I found out about a week ago that someone I trusted–a fellow believer–betrayed me, and it has really hurt me. I guess my naivete is rearing its ugly head because I still tend to think that people are generally honest and trustworthy. In this life of sobriety and getting to know Jesus, I am discovering that is just not true. More often than not, people are not as genuine as I’d like to believe they are, and this hurts me at a place somewhere deep within myself that I can’t put my finger on.

I talked to God right away when I found out of the dishonesty that came from this person. I told Him point blank that I didn’t understand. But I felt Him say to me then, ‘They betrayed me, too, daughter.’ I have held onto that and my hurting heart over the last week, and I’ve decided a few things.

I learned my lesson months ago when it comes to taking God’s job into my own hands and defending myself so I chose not to confront her. I have consciously chosen to love her anyway. I choose to walk in forgiveness towards her everyday knowing full well that she may betray me again. I choose to pray for her and encourage her when opportunities arise. I choose NOT to repay her evil with some evil of my own.

I choose to trust God to fight this battle for me. And I choose to trust Him to vindicate me while also realizing I may not see justice on this side of heaven.

It’s a challenging place to be with Jesus, but also a peaceful place.

Tonight while looking out over the lake and realizing the lilies had gone to sleep for the night, I was momentarily disappointed that they were gone. But within a split second, my disappointment became relief when I remembered that they would be back again in the morning.

If the lily trusts their Creator to bring them to life again every morning, how much more can I trust Him to take care of my struggles, defend me, and fight my battles, too?

Lord, I know You see my hurting heart tonight, and I know that if anyone understands betrayal it is You. You were made human to experience the same things that I would in order to understand them and me. Help me, Lord, to trust You even when it doesn’t make sense. Help me to trust that You will make it right even if I don’t see it. Help me to remember that You are working things out on my behalf and what others think of me or say about me doesn’t matter when I allow You to fight these battles for me. Teach me to trust You without borders, Lord, for it’s in Your name I pray this, Amen