When I graduated the SVTC program in June 2020, I bought myself a fancy prayer journal to commemorate the accomplishment. It’s black leather with gold along the edges of each page, along with a scripture and its reference at the bottom of each of those pages. On the front cover, there are arrows pointing towards the top of the book with ‘Send it up to God’ embossed on the right. In the center of the back cover, it reads:

‘Do not worry about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts & your minds in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7

As I nostalgically roam through the pages of my petitions and thanksgivings from the last year, I am comforted by one thing: I have changed, but my Jesus has not. I have seen myself waver throughout my conversations with Him, yet He has not. I have seen myself angry with Him, yet He did not turn away from me as a result. I have seen myself heartbroken, confused, excited, hungry, unlovable, happy, joyful, merciful, lacking compassion, prideful, controlling, in and out of peace, and a host of other emotions, yet He was, and IS, still God.

I don’t always feel unconditionally accepted or loved by those I care about. Sometimes I think my bad decisions and sins are being judged harshly, and that leads me to believe that those doing the judging are rescinding their love for me. The one thing my prayer journal has showed me this morning is that no matter what those in my world feel towards me, Jesus still loves me. He still wants me to know Him, desires to be intimate with me, loves me unconditionally, comes through for me in my weakest moments, and is always ONLY a breath away when I need Him.

So…I hope my readers won’t mind, but my prayer this morning isn’t going in my prayer journal. It’s going here instead.

Lord Jesus, you are so good. You are soooooooo good to me. Thank you for showing me this morning that You are ever-present and NEVER changing. In a world that can be chaotic, confusing, and frustrating, thank You for being steadfast and as close as my next breath. Thank You for renewing my mind a little more each day so that my thoughts are becoming continuously focused on You and Your will for my life. I don’t always understand what You are doing. I don’t always readily agree with the direction I see You taking me, but I trust You. I trust that You always have my best interest in mind, and Your plans for me have ALWAYS proven to be way cooler than my own!

Thank you for Your grace, Your mercy, and Your forgiveness, Lord. Thank you that even though I am the worst of all sinners, You have chosen to show me this grace and mercy because You know my heart. Thank you for loving me so much that You DO know my heart. You are more than a religion to me. You are more than a lifestyle. You are more than songs I sing or words I write. Lord, You are the very center of my world. You are the reason I wake up each day to worship You anew. Thank You that I don’t have to wonder or worry if I am loved or accepted by those around me because I know, deep in my heart, that I am loved by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and this is truly enough for me.

Merciful Jesus, thank You for lifting me out of the pit of despair. Thank You for setting my feet on solid ground. Thank You for giving me a new song to sing. Thank You that You have ordered these things in such a way that others will see Your works in me and glorify You. Thank You for seeing me as worthy of the deep love it required for You to send Your Son to die on a cross for me–to take on the very sin and shame that landed me in the pit from which You pulled me.

Thank you, Jesus, for who You are and who You’ve been to me. I don’t deserve it, but I am forever grateful. In the precious name of Jesus I pray this, Amen

I don’t normally do this, but this morning I’d like to challenge you, my readers, to reflect on who Jesus has been to you. Has He come through for you when you probably didn’t deserve it? Has He pulled you from a dark place and set your feet on solid ground like He’s done for me? Has He proven Himself over and over again in your life? Has He been there for you when no one else was? I encourage you to tell Him what He’s done for you and then thank Him for it. And I encourage you to bask in this realization: He is ever-present and NEVER changing for you, as well. <3

Blessings on each of you today, and always. <3

‘May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.’ Numbers 6:24-26