Hope In The Wreckage

Today is my birthday. Today, I am 40 years old. It’s so surreal when I think about it, but it’s true… I’m the big 4-0.

Up until yesterday, I was absolutely ecstatic to be celebrating such a ginormous milestone birthday because I should never have made it here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still super-duper excited, but I must admit that I can’t help but also reflect on my first 40 years and mourn them a little. I can’t help but look back on the person I was during those first 4 decades and not consider it all a complete waste – a total loss.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the mistakes I made, the sins I committed, and the people I hurt. In my mind I see a clear path of destruction left in my wake like that of the highest category tornado. And just like a tornado I destroyed everything – and everyone – in my path.

That realization makes me a little sad.

But…have you ever stuck around after a tornado? Have you ever gone back to the place of devastation to gather what wasn’t destroyed and make plans to rebuild what was? Have you ever witnessed the sunshine over the wreckage that was your home?

In my minds eye today I see wreckage. But I also see the sun peeking through the remaining storm clouds. The same storm clouds that pelted my first 40 years into heaps of destruction. I see possibilities to rebuild out of the rubble that perhaps I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. I see bits and pieces of my past that I can salvage and take with me into the new life that God has so graciously given to me.

Today I see hope, and I reach for it with open hands. Open hands that are gradually letting go of what was to make room for all that God has promised me there will be.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT

Thank You Lord for this new day. Thank You for carrying me through the darkest places when I didn’t deserve one bit of Your protection that it took to get me here. Thank You Lord that when I look back at the last 40 years I can so clearly see Your goodness, and mercy, and grace all over it. Thank You that when YOU look at the wreckage of my past You see something worth redeeming. Thank You for redeeming me. Thank You Lord for who You are to me. Whether You see fit to give me another 40 minutes, another 40 days, or another 40 years, I will praise You for keeping Your promise to carry Your work in me on to completion. Teach me to be a good steward of the time I have left, Lord. I love you Jesus. Amen