Missed Opportunities

I have a superpower. Maybe y’all won’t consider it as such but I do.

I discovered it yesterday while on my lunch break at work. Working in the automotive industry I come into contact with several different kinds of vehicles on a daily basis, and it’s almost impossible not to immediately recognize a make and model. I notice tires and often find myself saying…to myself…’Oh man, they need tires!’ And I am pretty good at detecting who might require a full synthetic oil change before I ever look under the hood.

Yesterday as I sat in my car watching the numerous vehicles navigate their way towards my automotive department I noticed this one specific SUV go in and out two times. Even from my vantage point of about 50 yards away, I knew it was a VW Atlas.

If you’ve read all of my posts then the significance of this particular vehicle is not lost on you. In February, I encountered a customer who was absolutely disgusting. He was ugly and spoke to me so terribly that it is still affecting me almost four months later. Honestly, I didn’t exactly know it was him until I returned from my lunch break and who calls me into the shop but the bay supervisor. The very same bay supervisor who I tore a new back end for not defending me to this customer back then. He confirmed the customers identity and told me to stay in the shop until he was gone.

The reason I am writing about this this morning is because I totally missed several opportunities yesterday, and I am disappointed in myself for it.

First of all, Tim* was ready and raring to go in my defense. In fact, he suggested parking the customers vehicle way out on the other side of the parking lot so he would have to get soaked in the monsoon-like storm that was blowing through Cameron at that very moment. I remember thinking to myself, ‘Yeah! That’ll teach him to disrespect me!’ This was one missed opportunity.

I should’ve stopped Tim right then. I should’ve told him that payback was unnecessary. I should’ve been a true example of Christ-like behavior and made sure that evil was not repaid with evil…but I didn’t. I think God intervened though because we DIDN’T park his vehicle far away. Still, I should’ve spoke up and made sure. This was an absolute fail on my part.

But where I really missed an opportunity is facing this man. In my initial realization that it was, indeed, the meanest customer I’ve ever encountered, anxiety and panic shot through the roof of my very being. My heart dropped, and my breathing became shallow. I probably could’ve used a paper bag in that moment. I gave in to it, 100%. I let it control me for the 45 minutes he was in my store. I cowered. I hid. Basically, I let the ugly spirit controlling that guy bully the spirit within me.

Ugh, as I sit here this morning, I am so annoyed with myself. Why? Why didn’t I face him? Why did I let myself be bullied? Why was my peace so easily affected? I’ll tell you why. And I’m only divulging this because the Holy Spirit is being so bold right now. I didn’t face this customer, I let myself be bullied, and my peace was so easily affected because…

…because I still don’t fully trust God in my life, and I still don’t listen to His voice.

Yesterday I was more focused on the fact that Tim was so evidently coming to my defense this time. I was overwhelmed by the anxiety that had overtaken my physical body…and my spirit. Because I was more aware of those voices I completely shut out the voice of the Holy Spirit. Yesterday my flesh screamed at me in more ways than one, and I responded. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in a whisper, as He often does, and I ignored Him. Why? Because my flesh was so much louder.

This is not the first time I’ve allowed my flesh to dictate a move–or lack thereof. This is not the first time I’ve looked back over a choice I’ve made and realized the voice of my Father was there, and I didn’t listen.

WHAT…is WRONG with me?!?! I groan as I type this and then fully facepalm, shaking my head in disbelief.

I don’t understand myself. I think Paul said that, too. It comforts me to know that I am in good company as far as this goes. But it frustrates me to NO end that I can’t seem to just let go and let God have control of my emotions and my desperate need to have someone come to my defense.

And it disappoints me to realize that I had an opportunity yesterday to show someone the love of Jesus while in their misery, and I missed it. I totally missed it.

I firmly believe that God allows tests to be repeated until we get it so I am confident that I will have an opportunity to try again. But darnit! Why couldn’t I have realized this yesterday?! Clearly, the Lord has so much more work left to do in me.

Today is a new day. It’s a gift I’ve so graciously been given by the Lord who loves me enough to give me another chance to try again. Maybe Mr. VW Atlas won’t be back for several months, but someone I meet today will need to feel the same grace and mercy from me that I failed to show that customer yesterday. Jesus, help me to be just that for whoever needs it today.

‘All of this is for your benefit. As God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.’ 2 Corinthians 4:15 NLT

*Name has been changed