I visited my least favorite kind of doctor this morning: the dentist. There’s something about scraping and drilling and poking around anywhere in my mouth that makes the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up and chills run up my spine. I have nothing against the dentist himself or those that work in his office, but for me, my mouth is the most sensitive part of my body, and I tend to wait until the last minute to address anything about it to avoid being uncomfortable.

In the middle of my methamphetamine, opiate, and alcohol addiction, I craved sugar as one might crave water in the desert. I chased my rum with kool-aid or soda, and I replaced meals with handfuls of sugary candy. I didn’t realize it then, but these irresponsible choices encouraged decay in some of my teeth that finally had to be fixed.

I’ve thought about more than just the decay in my teeth since this morning. Over the years–especially in the years of addiction–I craved a whole lot of pleasures that fed my flesh. I craved drugs and alcohol to temporarily provide the illusion that I was ‘okay’, attention from men that made me feel worthy, and satisfaction in accomplishments no matter how much deception was involved in obtaining them. After one taste of the things I hungered for and experiencing the satisfaction they offered, I took another…and another. Eventually, my appetite for them was insatiable.

Yes, I severely neglected the health of my teeth. I used drugs and alcohol, consumed way too much sugar, and avoided the dentist which facilitated decay to run rampant in my mouth. As a result, I endured several hard jabs of a needle this morning along with all the terrifying sounds and uncomfortable sensations of the numerous dental tools against my teeth.

In the same way, my poor choices and neglect wreaked havoc on the health and wellbeing of my spirit. I used people, consumed way too much of the world and all its pleasures, and avoided coming into an intimate relationship with Jesus. All of which created the perfect environment for the decay of my spirit man, a slow descent into a pit of despair, and almost ended in the death of my physical body and eternal damnation for my spirit.

But God…

My walk with Jesus began a little less than two years ago and while it hasn’t been easy, it has been worth it. Just as the dentist must clean out the decay before he can properly fill the empty space with clean filling material, so Jesus has had to dig down deep into my soul, and that has proven to be uncomfortable. Daily He works to clean out the rot that has been allowed to fester and gradually fills it with His word, His presence, and His peace.

I left the dentist this morning confident in the work he did on my teeth. I know that any pain I experienced was for my own good. But I am confident, more so, in the work my Heavenly Father continues to do in me. Whatever pain or discomfort I might experience as He cleans out the dead parts of me is worth it when I consider that He fills those empty spaces with a knowledge and understanding of who He is: my Redeemer, my Savior, the Lover of my soul, and the King of my heart.

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever. 1 John 2:15‭-‬17 NLT