Naps are a ritual for me on my days off. There was a time as an adult when I avoided them because I always woke up more tired than rested and more grumpy than refreshed. But these days that is just not the case. I love them…and God help anyone who wakes me up from a good one in a less than gentle way.

I experienced a less than gentle wake-up today.

I laid down for my daily snooze this afternoon–ear plugs in, TV at a low murmur–and commenced to an hour or two of blessed sleep. Within an hour or so of peaceful zzzz’s I woke up with a start to the music from my inconsiderate neighbors next door. It was so loud I could hear it through my ear plugs and felt the vibration under my bed every time the bass hit. My feet hit the floor with a most aggravated thud. I could feel my brow furrowed down into the bridge of my nose and the purse of my lips created a whistle as my rage seeped out through every breath that was able to escape them.

I. was. MAD!

#1. You just DON’T wake me up like that from my nap. Ya just…don’t.

#2. Who do these people think they are? Do they think they are the only ones who live on this street? Do they think we have the same taste in music? Because, I can assure you we do NOT.

I had such ugly thoughts running through my head that I snatched up my step-study bag and car keys and stomped out to my car. I needed to get to the lake…away from these hooligans who clearly think of no one but themselves. I managed to get out of my driveway and on to the main road without squealing my tires on the blacktop…but not for lack of trying. Ugh! I thought. Why can’t people just do what I expect them to do?!

Eeek! Let me introduce y’all to…my struggle with control.

In situations like this it is front and center…and it is ugly. Much like the black clouds that hung over my normally peaceful lake today and soon began to spit big fat drops of rain, my lack of control over unmet expectations creates a storm in me complete with gusty winds of rage that turn my peaceful soul into rolling waters of fury.

And. I. Hate. It.

I hate that I can be so easily triggered into such a fit of internal rage when something doesn’t happen the way I think it should. I hate that I am unable to sit in the middle of whatever situation has flipped this switch and grasp the peace to which I know I have access. I hate that the enemy knows so much about me that something as insignificant as unbearably loud music can make me forget everything I have learned in my relationship with Jesus up to this point.

*Sigh* But what I hate most is that I know the man in the boat with me, and I fail to trust Him to calm the storm. What is even more daunting to me is that if I can’t grasp His peace in this, how will I ever make it through the real storms of life? If I can’t let go of control in life’s little hiccups how will I ever let go of control to Him in the things that really matter?

How will I ever experience true and lasting peace if I don’t release my expectations of people to the only One who really has the power to control it all?

And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I’d like to say I’m sitting here writing out of the overflow of victory, but I don’t think I am. I realized tonight that my peace is severely contingent upon the world around me acting the way I expect it to. You must know as well as I do that if I wait for peace to come based on another’s actions in my little bubble, I will forever be lacking it in the midst of every single storm.

Lord, help me to seek out Your perfect peace when I am annoyed at my inconsiderate neighbors, when I am frustrated by the ways of the world and the people in it, when I don’t receive what I expect from someone I love…Lord, in all the possible scenarios of life that creep in to make my struggle with control so evident, speak Your peace over it and me. In your most precious name I pray this, Amen.