My family moved from the pine tree infested state of North Carolina to the beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia the summer I turned ten. I can remember being enamored by the mountains as a young girl and turning my gaze to their blue haze in moments I needed a little reassurance in my soul. Over the years, however, my awareness of the Blue Ridge Mountains around me began to blur, and I only allowed myself to see the misery and disaster of who I had become. The mountains I loved so much transformed into a symbol of how everything in my life had gone completely wrong.

I left my home state of Virginia and the Shenandoah Valley in June 2020 and promised never to look back…never to go back. It was a place of darkness for me. Those mountains had been the backdrop to a life filled with the agony of addiction and heartache. Nevertheless, over the last 16 months as I’ve grown closer to the Lord, I’ve found myself a little nostalgic over those mountains and what they meant to me as a little girl. I often pictured the Blue Ridge Skyline in my mind as I read the Psalms or thought of my numerous mountain top moments. They are the ones I picture when I hear the song Speak to the Mountains by Chris McClarney. To say the least, I had become homesick for a view of their peaks and valleys. Heartsick for a taste and feel of mountain air once again.
So…

This past weekend, my mom and I loaded up her Camry and headed north-west towards those mountains. There was anxiety for me as we hit the Virginia state line. If you’ve ever returned to face a place that held traumatic memories for you, you may understand my apprehension to face my hometown. I texted my close friend Angie as we ascended Afton Mountain on I-64, and I shared my anxious thoughts with her. She said something so profound to me that my mind continues to come back to it when I think of my visit home. “You aren’t returning. You are passing through.” And it was just the perspective I needed to help me take deeper breaths as my ears popped at the peak of Afton Mountain on Friday afternoon.

As we got off the exit in my hometown of Harrisonburg, memories assailed me from every side. Memories of things I had done in that parking lot, or down that street, or in that motel. There wasn’t a place I could look and not remember the little girl I used to be and the disaster I had become over the years. A deep sadness washed over me as I looked at the signature blue-hazed peaks from this place tucked in the valley of the Blue Ridge Mountains and remembered the innocence I lost and the torment I experienced there.

But my God is faithful, and He was ever-present as I spent 2 1/2 days enjoying my mom, picking on her driving, and having real, heart-to-heart talks with her. He was in the midst as I spent an afternoon with my nieces giggling while we ate pizza, remembering times with them as much smaller girls, and shopping until we dropped. The warmth of my Savior’s love for me was lavished upon them as I squeezed them and loved them and took in their sweet scent as deeply as I could. The peace He has so generously provided to me through His Holy Spirit was present as I hugged my brother and heard his voice for the first time in several years (who sounds–and looks–just like our dad).

And I was present for each moment. I made new memories and discovered a strength I didn’t know I had. The strength of my Savior in me.

I met challenges this past weekend that threatened to bring me to my knees in defeat, but my God was and IS faithful. In those moments that my weary spirit fell to its knees, Jesus met me there and ever so gently lifted my face to His and pointed my gaze towards the mountains to remind me:

“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you. Isaiah 54:10
Thank You, Lord, for your unconditional love and faithfulness towards me.
I love yooouu!! ❤️
I love you my sweet cousin. Can’t wait to see what God has for you next!
This sounds amazing!! What a line up. Blessings and prayers ahead of this needed conference!
Thank you for sharing ♥️
Poetic and beautiful. Thanks for sharing