Love Has Won

Fear and uncertainty had reduced my mind to a black sheet of nothingness in the Summer/Fall of 2019. I was in the center of my year at the Shenandoah Valley Adult/Teen Challenge when we were invited to a choir outing at a church in Staunton, Virginia. Everything in me collapsed into a complete mess because Staunton had become the epicenter of my rock bottom in addiction. I was terrified to return to a place of total devastation. How could I ever face it?

I had become really close to a woman I shared a room with who, as it turns out, knew a few of the same people I knew AND knew how much this particular location was affecting me. One afternoon just a few days before the outing was set to take place she sat with me on the firm bottom bunk of my bed and she prayed. She prayed so fervently that I am sure there was fire coming from heaven in the spiritual realm above and around us. At a moment she decided to take a breath she held on to me, and the Holy Spirit grabbed hold of my mind and showed me something I will never forget.

Out of the black curtain of nothingness that had shrouded my mind for several days came the picture you see above: the face of a lion. The Lion of Judah.

We wept. We wept from the very depths of our souls that day and a peace came over me that I couldn’t even begin to describe. I knew in my knower that I would be okay. I knew in the very deepest part of myself that no matter what memories I faced in a familiar town, I was going to make it. I was going to get through it. And I wasn’t going to do it alone.

Yesterday on my way to work I had Spotify open on the screen in my car. Now, normally I have the GPS map up whether I’m using it or not. I hardly ever switch it to Spotify. But yesterday I had switched it over to <3 a song and never went back to the map. I’m a dazed driver, if I’m honest. I space out often because I drive that route so frequently. At one point I came out of that momentary daze, glanced down at the screen, saw the picture above and heard these words from Citizen Way’s song Love Has Won.

“So don’t be afraid

He’s already conquered the grave“

The memory of my dearest friend praying over me a few years ago and what the Holy Spirit showed me in that moment came back to me like a punch in the gut. I pushed the ‘back’ control to start the song over to listen more closely to all of the lyrics and found myself weeping once again from the very depth of my soul.

Now, I know Ben Calhoun did not write this song for me or about me…or about you…or about my sweet sister in Christ who struggles with her own stuff. But I think the Holy Spirit knew exactly what He was doing when He gave Ben these words:

“This is a song for the hurting, I hope that it helps you to heal.

This is a song when the worst of the worst is all that you feel.

And this is a song for the lonely, If you’ve lost someone you can’t live without.

A song for the souls that are searching, and hearts that are broken down.

Sing with me now. Sing with me now.

Hallelujah love has won.

Hallelujah love has won.

God is with us, thank you Jesus.

Though the battle rages on.

Hallelujah love has won.”

I think I am all of those things these days. Hurting, lonely, feeling the worst of the worst, searching, broken down.

But…

Yesterdays reminder just in that picture alone–the EXACT image I saw almost three years ago–reminds me that God is with me EVEN while the battle for my soul rages on.

And, He’s with YOU, too.

I met Ben Calhoun several years ago while in the throws of addiction but before I had really started to descend into the rock bottom that led me to Teen Challenge. He is truly an amazing man of God. If I could meet him again today, I’d love to tell him how powerful this song is and how poignant this reminder is to those who find it hard to get out of bed most days. And I’d like to thank him for letting the Holy Spirit lead him to write these words and choose the picture for this album cover. It was a reminder I needed exactly when I needed it.

Hallelujah, y’all. Love HAS won!